nam deteriores omnes sumus licentiæ

I don't exist—

I happen.

Beatrix Kondo read about the Turing Test on the internet: If a human asks a machine a sufficient number of questions, and cannot tell from the answers whether they are talking to a machine, then the machine is intelligent.

She immediately grasped the potential to use this test to evaluate the possibility that still other forms of intelligence existed.

To establish a baseline, she began by subjecting her brother Marlon to the Turing Test.

(It behooves us to mention that Marlon had, for years, been sick to death of Beatrix. He had learned that, when one of these fool notions grips her, the only intelligent response was stony silence.)

For five minutes, Beatrix peppered him with random questions. His response: stony silence. She carefully recorded these responses in her notebook.

Her next test subject was her pet rock. It responded to her questions exactly as Marlon had done. This she also recorded.

After this, she subjected the Deity to the same set of questions. When comparing her notes on the responses received to those she'd got earlier from Marlon and the rock, she was astonished to note that they were, not merely similar, but identical.

This was good enough for her. She immediately converted to animism.