the butterfly trainer


A Japanese friend who's got me well figured out recently asked me, "Hey, you're getting worse at Japanese these days, aren't you?" She speculated that perhaps I haven't been speaking it much.


And she's right that I haven't. I've more or less stopped being active in music, where I used to speak Japanese exclusively, and I don't do much with Japanese friends (or non-Japanese friends, for that matter). My workplaces are nominally bilingual, but English still predominates. And I can't be bothered to study much.


But while all this is true, I feel even moreso that my thoughts themselves have tended to lean away from Japanese, toward English. I don't know if thoughts themselves have a language, but that's how it feels these days.


Which is why when I write this blog—which I used to conceive and compose in either language and then rewrite it in the other, or to bounce back and forth from one paragraph to the next—I generally write it now only in English.


And the Japanese running down the other side is a mere translation.


The blog post before this one was particularly so. After writing the entire thing in English, I meticulously translated word-by-word, making frequent reference to an online E-J dictionary. The result was mechanical and clumsy.


Sorry about that. (To any Japanese readers.)


To atone, I've written the post today in the opposite direction. Japanese to English. The quality presumably remains consistently poor, though.


For that, though, I do not apologize.