the following is laced with real events


Two things are on my mind tonight. One is the deceptive nature of the word 'why'. The other is toenail amputation.


Grammar can deceive us. Because we can string words together in a way that holds meaning, we begin to imagine that anything we we can talk about must somehow exist.


The word 'why' is an example. You could ask, "Why is the floor wet?" and the answer might be, "Because someone spilled water."


Or you can ask, "Why was I born?"


The answer to this, if thought of as a cause-and-effect question similar to the spilt water, might be, "Because my parents once made whoopie."


But this answer rarely satisfies anyone. We use 'why' for two functions: talking about cause-and-effect, and talking about deep significance. But while everything that happens can be presumed to have a cause, there is no guarantee that everything has significance.


So, the other thing on my mind. People sometimes remove parts of their bodies that seem aesthetically unpleasing and that serve no particular purpose. The obvious example is epilation.


So I was thinking, what about toenails?


People (like me) have laser surgery on their eyes so they won't have to hassle with contact lenses. Would you have your toenails surgically removed to eliminate the need to pare them?


You'd look pretty slick, man. Going out in your flip-flops, ten tubular and perfectly smooth pinkies wiggling.


Just saying.