昔創った、ここ何年か聴いていない音源を聴き返すと、記憶していたほどそんなに悪くないと思った。それでかなり幻滅する。
On rare occasions I go back and listen to music that I recorded years ago and haven't heard since. Sometimes I find that it's not really as awful as I remembered. This is rather disillusioning.
最初に作っていたときは「これこそ、
When I'm making something new, I'll vainly think, "This is the one that'll finally get through to people!"
しかし、作品が出来上がったら気持ちが激変する。
But then the instant it's done, I start to hate it intensely.
なんでこんな酷い物ばかりなんだ、とうんざりしてしまう。
"Why do they always turn out this awful!?"
だから作品をそのまま棄てることも多く、ほっておいて誰にも聴かせようとしないことも多い。敢えて出した作品も、それっきり絶対に聴かない。
So a lot of the time I'll just throw out the song, or I'll let it sit and never play it for anybody. Even the stuff that I end up putting out, I never ever listen to again.
でもこんなふうに数年後に「まあ、そんなに悪くないよね」
But if I do go back after a few years and start to think, "Well, this isn't half good, but it isn't half bad either," this implies that maybe I didn't need to despise it quite so vehemently.
自分の音楽に価値がないと思っていることによってけっこう苦しむ
Which further implies that the pain of believing that what I'm making has no value, may not have been necessary either.
と思うと、またいっそ作品が嫌いになる。
And when I think of that, I hate the song even more.